


Don’t Cut Me (Punch me, just let me go)

by pretty_sure_i_should_brush_my_teeth



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Leaves the Jedi Order, Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, As you may have guessed, CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives Lives, CT-5385 | Tup Lives, CT-7567 | Rex Needs a Hug, F/M, Fives has an honourable mention, Fives is back. Right at the end, I choose to post the angsty one first, They would happily give each other one, Tup was fun to write embarrassed and I want to do it again, and yes it is unbeta-ed, big time, but he’s still in it, but it is the first one I’ve posted online before, but she’s back now, but things aren’t looking so bright for them at the moment..., for two sentences this time!, i need to teach myself patience and control, it takes up one sentence and that’s it, i’m not even joking, just saying...but i’m really self-critical, like right at the end, my writing really gets away from me lol, of all of the WIP’s I have, p.s this doesn’t follow canon very closely., so comments and kudos will literally make my day, this is angsty, this is by far NOT my first fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:15:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29667852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretty_sure_i_should_brush_my_teeth/pseuds/pretty_sure_i_should_brush_my_teeth
Summary: Not even an hour ago, she’d been leaning against his shoulder, sitting on the sofa in the common room surrounded by his brothers. Laughter and joyfulness ate away at the silence, as they giggled relentlessly over a particularly farcical joke made by Fives - now she can’t even utter a word at Rex.
Relationships: CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano, CT-7567 | Rex/Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 15
Kudos: 56





	1. Don’t Wanna Lose You This Way

Heavy breathing. That’s all she can hear besides the biting, chill of the wind hitting against her montrals and lekku. Hesitantly, she swivels her head around, followed closely by her shoulders, and then the rest of her body. When the whole of her faces him square on, she swallows; her eyes never leaving his. In her 17 years of life, she has never wanted the ground to swallow her whole more than she does now.

Agitated and nervous, her hand twitches by her side, aching to reach out and wrap around his wrist, just so she can be close to him again - even if just for a second. The air around them - filling, permeating, this room - stands still, almost like it’s waiting for either or both of them to do something. Her hand stills.

Not even an hour ago, she’d been leaning against his shoulder, sitting on the sofa in the common room surrounded by his brothers. Laughter and joyfulness ate away at the silence, as they giggled relentlessly (Yes, the battle-hardened Captain Rex of the 501st giggles.) over a particularly farcical joke made by Fives - now she can’t even utter a word at Rex.

A door to the left of them whooshes open, and whilst her head remains unmoving, his snaps towards the sound. Once cold and unyielding, the air is whisked up, dancing around then like an excited child, happy that one of them has finally made some sort of movement. (Albeit, only slightly.)

A trooper meanders in - Tup, she briefly thinks when she catches the bun on their head - before freezing, his cheeks and the tips of his ears flushing red at interrupting his CO’s. (She knows that he was picking up on the tense atmosphere. You don’t need the Force to sense the turmoil.)

“I’m sorry!” he manages to squeak out, “I’ll leave!”

The door slides shut, and the air settles once more as Tup leaves, bathing the room in awkward silence. Their eyes lock again, and Ahsoka feels trapped yet again. She feels trapped staring into the windows of his soul - as they are so often referred to as - transfixed by the flakes of gold so carefully placed to sit in the warm amber of his iris. 

Subconsciously, she bites and nibbles at the edge of her lip, letting out a hiss of discomfort when her fang catches; the iron tang of blood spilling into her mouth. Ahsoka is so ready to leave, and she wills her feet to move, to move around him and out through the same door that they had both entered. They don’t listen.

“Ahsoka.” he says - so quietly she thinks she’s imagining it, “What I did-”

He cuts off with a choked sob, and she flinches slightly at the noise. Ahsoka knows he still thinks it’s his fault, but she can’t get the words past her lips to tell him the truth.

Pain courses through her at that thought.

Mental pain and anguish.

She did that to him.

She did that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this hurt you as much as it did me...because I’m sure I cried whilst writing this. Quite a few times actually. (That could just be me being over emotional though. I’m in my final year of school and with GCSE’s being replaced with other means of grading... Well, writing is my only escape as of right now.)
> 
> In all honesty, I wrote this for an English assignment last night, and my teacher gave me a boost of confidence which is how its ending up on here. (And yeah, it’s currently 02:32am when I’m doing this, and I live lessons tomorrow. Oof.)
> 
> I appreciate kudos and all comments - not hate, I’m self critical as it is.
> 
> I also purposefully left it vague as to what was going on, so all your wonderful minds could conjure up various different outcomes.
> 
> Aaaaaaaand....if anyone’s interested, I am willing to expand further on this?


	2. Tired of Hearing Sorry (Pt 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Standing across from him like this is not what she wants. At all. They’re supposed to be laughing and joking, but no, she just has to ruin everything. That shouldn’t come as a surprise though; she knows she ruins everything.

_(Ahsoka’s POV)_

Her tongue is tied. Anything she wants to say is lost, and Ahsoka knows it. The lump in her throat grows, little bit by little bit, and she can feel her head spinning. She swallows once, and it’s gone. Her need to tell him is overpowering - to the point of lightheadedness - but her throat just won’t work. Just won’t listen.

Something wet rolls down her cheek, and she ignores it, it’s not important - not like he is. Rex’s gaze falters, and she can feel as they follow the tear down her cheek before it drips from her chin. And then when it hits her that she’s crying, her lekku heat up in embarrassment, and Ahsoka hopes that in the dim lighting of the room, the change in colour is not noticeable to him.

His breathing is no longer loud and ragged, but much more shallow and shaking. If she hadn’t known any better, she would have brushed it aside. Ahsoka knows him though, and she knows that it’s his nerves showing through.

(The lights flicker briefly, before shutting off with a snapping hiss, and then lighting back up again. Neither of them care; they’re too engrossed in each other.)

Standing across from him like this is not what she wants. At all. They’re supposed to be laughing and joking, but no, she just has to ruin everything. That shouldn’t come as a surprise though; she knows she ruins everything.

Without warning, a strong bout of shame and self-loathing washes over her, and she staggers slightly at the intensity of it. Her mind races - a parsec a minute - and yet her eyes still lock onto his own.

It’s almost like he’s afraid that if he looks away she’ll walk away. _No. Like she’ll_ run _away._ At that thought smashing to the forefront of her mind, the realisation hits her. Those emotions were coming from him, and now - as she continues to hold his gaze - she sees it. As clear as she sees him standing before her now.

He’s fearful and ashamed of himself. But worst of all, she knows he’s beating himself up over it.

_(Rex’s POV)_

Tears build up in his eyes, but he holds them at bay. They have no right to escape him, not right now. Not when he’s trying to stay level-headed. (It doesn’t work for long.)

A small sienna hand veers toward his wrist, and before he has a chance to say anything, it’s twining around his wrist, holding it carefully in her palm. She’s gentle and caring toward him; everything he ever wants to be to her, and he just had to go and kiss her all because of a damn bet.

Rex has never felt so inclined to do something as impulsive as kissing her before. Now that he has, all he can do is stand in front of her, just barely being able to spit out a few words - let alone a sentence.

Doing nothing to move away, Rex continues to hold her gaze - usually glittering and happy, now just _empty_ \- wanting to bend forward and kiss her again.

But he can’t, so he doesn’t.

She steps closer - still cradling his wrist in between her slender fingers and thumb - and that’s when the panic sets in. He feels like his ribcage is going to explode with the thunderous beat of his heart, and he is sure she can hear it.

The only way to alleviate his anxiousness is to step back.

Rex doesn’t miss the flash of hurt that crosses her features as he does so. He feels his heart crack in his chest.

(Briefly, he wonders if all of this will be what tears them apart.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah, this was so much longer than I had intended it to be, and so now all I have to do is just tidy up the next part and it should be ready to go. (Fingers crossed. Nothing ever goes according to plan for me.)
> 
> On another note, when I was writing this, I was really trying to stick to the original plan, but somehow this seemed to just slip out from under me. (As I said, nothing ever seems to go the way I want.)
> 
> Hopefully, this chapter is better than I think it is.


	3. Tired of Hearing Sorry (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A voice - cracked and quivering - seeps into the space around her, and her breath hitches in her throat at the vulnerability that spills from his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this did not turn out how I wanted it to. At all. I can’t really tell if I like it all that much either, but oh well. Here it is.

_(Ahsoka’s POV)_

She still holds his hand in her hers, and before any words have the chance of escaping her, Ahsoka feels a tremble against her palm that travels a little ways up her arm. (It’s only a gentle tremor, but it shocks her all the same.)

Their eye contact breaks, and her eyes dart to where they are touching. A gasp fills the room - his hand shakes like she has never seen before - as her confusion eases into concern.

Around her, silence occupies the space, and it’s overwhelming. Overwhelming, whilst standing in a near empty room. She hates it; the urge to break the stillness growing stronger with each second that passes.

“Rex…” she mutters. It’s not loud enough for him to hear, and that’s fine.“I-”

She doesn’t bother to finish it; he won’t hear it anyway. Useless. 

A voice - cracked and quivering - seeps into the space around her, and her breath hitches in her throat at the vulnerability that spills from his lips.

He seems so weak and quiet, almost like he’s scared of the answer to his question. It doesn’t help Ahsoka’s state either, having only ever seen him this powerless after Umbara.

(She never wants to see him like this again, the pain is just insufferable for the both of them. Ahsoka knows it.)

“Do you-” he sniffs slightly and catches a tear running down his cheek with his free hand. (She bites down on her tongue to hold back a cringe at seeing how badly his hand continues to shake.) “Do you hate me?”

So, he thinks this is his fault, and whilst she knows it isn’t, she can understand his logical thought process. Although, even if it really was his fault, she would be nowhere nearing hating him. Surely he knows that?

“Do you seriously think that little of me? That I’d stoop as low as _hating you_ because of a kiss?” She stares up at him, and he glances away. Her gaze softens, and she wants to slap herself for being so harsh. “I’m sorry. I just...I just want you to know that I mean it. I couldn’t hate you even if all of this mess was your fault.”

His head rushes back to hers, eyes wide in confusion. In that moment, she realises what she has said. She can’t change it now.

“What do you mean _if_?” he questions - his voice now much sharper and clearer than it had been just seconds ago. Whilst one part of her is filled with relief, the other part is hesitant, because she knows that it’s just down to his quick change in emotions. “It wasn’t my fault?”

She exhales a shuddering breath, her eyes darting all around the room, landing on anything, _except_ him. Finally her cerulean orbs rest on the datapad that had caused all of this mess. (She wishes she could burn a hole in it right now.)

This was her moment to finally come clean, and like _hell_ was she _not_ going to take it.

“Look, Rex, in the common room, sat with your brothers laughing and joking, we were sitting together - perfectly happy.” He nods in agreement, and a slight smile blooms on her face when she looks back up at him. “I just- when the bets started, I had a strong feeling that we’d be on there somewhere.”

She slams her eyes closed, and blows out a frustrated breath. “I've wanted to kiss you for a while now, but I...I never had the choice to act upon it, and I know I probably shouldn’t have anyway. But I did. I did. So when that bet came up, I took the leap of faith hoping that this could just be brushed off as exactly that; a bet.”

Silence continues to reign down around them, and the awkwardness rises even further. She swallows. “But it wasn’t just a bet to me. It never was and it never will be. Besides,” He stares at her, waiting in an even louder silence than before for her to continue. “ _I_ kissed _you_.”

He gives her a look of disbelief, and all Ahsoka can do in return is just blink, awaiting his reply. His lips part, and before any form of communication passes between his lips, a shaky sigh forces its way out. “That’s banthashit. _I_ kissed _you_.”

“It’s not banthashit.” Her lekku droop - _even further_ than they had to begin with - as the words tumble from her mouth, her lips slightly chapped and cracking. “I _accidentally_ used a...a force suggestion on you, which is why you barely had any hesitation.”

“ _Accidentally_?”

“I wanted it so badly, and I didn’t realise that was what I had done until now.”

His mouth opens and closes quiveringly, eyes blown wide, before he staggers backwards. With deliberate movements, he sinks down onto a chair on the other side of the room. (He drops his head into his hands, and Ahsoka hates that she doesn’t know what he’s feeling.)

The tears that had built up in her eyes finally break through her weak dam of strength, and with the tips of her fingers she furiously swipes them away.

Infuriatingly, her urge to speak is crushed when her throat closes up, as she settles on the floor. Ahsoka wants to stand - _needs_ to stand so she can speak to Rex - but her legs just refuse to work.

Through her hazy vision, she shimmies her eyes upwards to where he sits, and holds back a hiss when she sees his shoulders shaking marginally. (Ahsoka knows exactly what’s happening, and she doesn’t know what to do to stop it.)

_What have I done?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Flops back against bed in relief* And there we have it, the third chapter. I have two more chapters planned after this and then it should be finished. (Fingers crossed, I don’t do something stupid.)
> 
> Pffft, what am I on about, of course I’ll do something stupid.


	4. You Alone Is Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His hand moves automatically, reaching out and he places it on her shoulder, rubbing affectionately. She glances over at it before shifting back across to him, spitting out apologies like a wildfire, into the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The penultimate chapter. Finally...
> 
> (I didn’t do anything stupid either!)

_(Rex’s POV)_

His mind is a mangled pile of thoughts and memories twisting around inside, mixing with the quiet sobs coming from himself, and possibly Ahsoka. As much as he wants the tears to stop, they keep coming, pouring into his palms and dripping onto the floor.

A particularly loud sob from Ahsoka, forces his head up, ceasing the shake of his shoulders. Watching her from this chair, as she sits on the floor with her head in her hands is agonising - for the both of them. Rex wants more than anything to hug her, but he knows if he does, there’s the risk of pushing her even further away in the process.

He wouldn’t be able to bear it if it came to that.

With as much strength as he can muster, he clenches his hands into balls and grits his teeth, before calling out to the crying girl.

“Ahsoka.” His voice is steadier than he had thought it would be, and it seems Ahsoka is just as shocked as he is. She stares at him expectantly, and keeps her eyes trained to him as he stands up and moves to the sofa.

Her hands drop to her sides, and when he pats the space beside him, she doesn’t hesitate to stand up. However, she doesn’t make any movements toward him, and Rex just furrows his brow.

It’s almost like she’s waiting for further permission to move, out of  _ fear _ that she might ruin something even more. (It couldn’t get much worse than this. Could it?)

“Ahsoka?”

As her name fills the room around them, she blinks and walks forward with measured steps, stopping as she sinks down onto the cushioned seat next to him. Her back is straight and rigid, and her legs are crossed tightly together, with her hands placed carefully in her lap.

Her posture  _ cannot _ be comfortable, but Rex doesn’t want to do anything that will make her any more uncomfortable.

Rex looks at her, watches her every movement, and very quickly picks up her nervous shakes. (He wonders if he’s doing the same.)

Her gaze flickers around and he waits until they land on her hands in her lap before speaking. With the amount of anxiousness she is showing, he doesn’t want to freak her out anymore than she already is.

And so he asks a question, using two simple words.

“Why, Ahsoka?”

She makes eye contact with him, and when he sees the tears building there, he knows- No. He  _ feels _ as another part of his heart breaks off. It settles at the bottom of his stomach, that twists painfully the longer he keeps his gaze trained on hers.

His hand moves automatically, reaching out and he places it on her shoulder, rubbing affectionately. She glances over at it before shifting back across to him, spitting out apologies like a wildfire, into the room.

“I’m sorry, Rex, I really am. I never meant for any of this to happen. I just let myself become blinded with my selfish wants, without thinking about how this would affect you. If you  _ hate _ me, and want  _ nothing _ to do with me, then-” She breaks off as her throat closes up, and her eyes flicker from his eyes to her hands often enough, that he knows the same shame and guilt that had racked him earlier, was now digging deep into her.

The hand on her shoulder, gives a squeeze before dropping and taking her hand in his, mirroring her own previous actions.

“It’s okay. It was just a shock for me - one that I didn’t handle very well at all. But I’m okay now, and I need you to know that.”

She slumps against the back of the sofa, still locked in his gaze, as sympathy pours from  him. He gives a small smile when he finishes speaking, and when he does he notices a spark of  _ something _ jump back into her eyes, followed by a quirk of her lips.

Although they had only been in this situation for less than two hours, it had felt like years had passed since he had last seen her smile. His heart jumps in his chest, steadily gluing itself back together, before the careful upturn of her lips slip into a wide curve, stretching across her cheeks.

It continues to grow on her as he shuffles closer, across the seating until they are almost as close as they were before any of this had happened. Her hand grips his even tighter, the heavy, negative emotions dissipating into the air, leaving the immense joy radiating from the both of them.

An urge to hug her washes over him, and for the first time he doesn’t bother to question it, and just indulges. He brings her close, and he feels her stiffen as he does so. (He refuses to let go.)

A breath of air that he hadn’t realised he’d been holding back releases in the form of a chuckle, one that seems to relax her, as she brings her arms around him and returns the hug. After a few minutes pass, Ahsoka tries to wriggle free of his hold, but it gets her nowhere, only succeeding in tightening his grip on her back.

She rests her chin on his shoulder, and Rex listens quietly as her breathing evens out. Just as it does when sleeping. He doesn’t mind though, choosing to bathe in the quiet, and for the first time in a while, not having to worry about hurting her feelings in any way.

Before he can do anything about it, his eyes slip closed too and his mind calms.

They slump to the side. Asleep.

They fail to hear the hydraulic hiss of the door opening, or the tiny gasp from Fives as he enters to retrieve the datapad.

  
And of course, he takes _ many _ incriminating pictures of them, all while a grin is plastered on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It got happier! And Fives is back...
> 
> (Now all that’s left to finish this off is the fifth and final chapter...)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this hurt you as much as it did me...because I’m sure I cried whilst writing this. Quite a few times actually. (That could just be me being over emotional though. I’m in my final year of school and with GCSE’s being replaced with other means of grading... Well, writing is my only escape as of right now.)
> 
> In all honesty, I wrote this for an English assignment last night, and my teacher gave me a boost of confidence which is how its ending up on here. (And yeah, it’s currently 02:32am when I’m doing this, and I live lessons tomorrow. Oof.)
> 
> I appreciate kudos and all comments - not hate, I’m self critical as it is.
> 
> I also purposefully left it vague as to what was going on, so all your wonderful minds could conjure up various different outcomes.
> 
> Aaaaaaaand....if anyone’s interested, I am willing to expand further on this?


End file.
